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Sex starts in the Brain written by Merie Burton

Research reveals that the areas of the brain responsible for reward, pleasure and numbing of pain are all activated when a person reaches orgasm [1]. So, it makes sense that if we want to be healthier, less stressed and more satisfied, we might want to have more sex. However, with the pressure of life’s demands on individuals that contribute to issues and misunderstandings between couples, sex can sometimes be the last place a person goes to for comfort and enjoyment.

In a long-term monogamous relationship, sex is one of the core differences that separate every other relationship from the intimate one, but it’s complicated and sometimes staying sexually connected can be difficult. There are many differences between men’s sexual responses and women’s sexual responses and science tells us that for women, sex really does start in the brain.  So how can a woman start her ‘sexual engine’ so that she can enjoy a meaningful and fulfilling sexual relationship with her partner?

Activating the part of the brain that stores memories of prior blissful sexual experiences can help prepare the body for sexual connection. The brain releases a chemical called dopamine when it anticipates a previously encountered, pleasant experience. So just taking a minute or two to remember the times that you’ve enjoyed with your partner can set your brain and your body on the path to connection.

Mindfulness is responsible for some really positive changes in a relationship. In fact, research shows that couples that practice mindfulness are actually happier together than those who don’t [2].  The way to get your brain working mindfully is to slow down and take time out to think about sexually connecting with your partner. When you become mindful, you are accessing parts of the brain that help calm you, help see things from a different perspective and help you connect in a deeper way. So you could begin by consciously planning the moments in your head; really recall pleasant thoughts about your partner and you, then consciously allow them to stay with you for a little longer than usual.

It’s really important then to back up your pleasing thoughts with some action. Send a suggestive text, put on a beautiful piece of lingerie, light some candles or play some soft music. The key is to accept that this doesn’t just happen on its own; this is a conscious thought that initially begins in your brain.

Sexuality is a beautiful gift that you can explore with your partner and relationship. It takes time, thought and consciousness to help it flow more freely. Of course, sexuality is just one part of a relationship so it is equally important to be just as mindful of aspects such as communication which I’ll share in the next issue.

Author of this article:

Merie Burton is a member of PACFA (Psychotherapy and Counselling Federation of Australia), registered psychotherapist and counsellor and works with individuals, couples and young people in her own counselling practice. Merie runs regular workshops on stress, anxiety, mindfulness and relationships at different locations throughout Brisbane and the Gold Coast. Check out her website and Facebook page: Merie Burton Psychotherapy and Counselling or contact Merie for an appointment on 0421990324

This article is a preview of the many articles from our upcoming magazine in Issue 3. For more articles like this, please subscribe to the Great Health Guide magazine – (subscription FREE for limited time only)

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