This article is written by Jane Nguyen and is taken from Great Health Guide (March 2016 – issue 9).
Relationships: How to Love More and Argue Less written by Jane Nguyen
As a little girl, I dreamed of having a ‘Happily Ever After’ experience, ever since I was introduced to fairytale stories. Growing up and hoping that my relationship would turn out like a fairytale, I quickly discovered that reality is far from what I could ever have imagined.
Let’s get real here … In reality, relationships are far more complicated than those idyllic fairytales. In fact, there is no such thing as a ‘perfect relationship’. I had tried to create it and had failed miserably. Even the best relationships need to overcome occasional frustration and challenges that test the couple’s strength, teamwork, communication and understanding.
There are many factors that can contribute to the failure and the most common mistake most couples make, is a lack of communication in their relationship. Over time, the individuals let their ego win over their desire to be happy. So today, I would like to share five simple tips on how to have less frustration and fewer arguments while experiencing more love and happiness in your relationship.
1. Pick your battles
Every relationship has its heated moments where couples may raise their voice and express their frustration to each other. A lot of the time, couples end up regretting what they have said or done when they were upset, angry or frustrated. Often the arguments can start from something that is quite small and insignificant. Hence it is important to remember to keep calm and cool when you can sense some frustration or tension in the room. Ask yourself this question: ‘Will this really matter in 5 years?’ – If the answer is No, then don’t get yourself emotionally stuck in the argument. If the answer is Yes, make sure that you both talk things through and resolve the issue at hand.
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2. Make time for love
One of the common complaints that couples tell me is their lack of time for romance and intimacy in the relationship. We all have the same amount of time in the day, no more, no less. So it’s not the lack of time that is the issue but the ability to prioritise and commit. We always make time and effort for the things that are truly important in our lives. Research has shown that couples who make time for love, sex and intimacy end up having more love, sex and intimacy, than those who don’t make time. So let’s get your diary out and block out some cuddling time for the two of you.
3. Embrace your differences
It really doesn’t matter how long you have been together or how similar you are to each other; you are two different and unique individuals at the end of the day. The mistake that many couples make is that they try to change their partner based on what they think is right or appropriate in their mind. This often backfires and causes a lot of frustration and tension. When you truly accept and embrace your partner for who he/she is and not who you want them to become, you’ll experience the level of love, appreciation and acceptance that you deeply desire.
4. Encourage openness and honesty in the relationship
Effective communication is the key to a successful and happy relationship. It all starts with the ability to be open and honest in your everyday conversations. Communication is like a muscle that you need to build, on a regular basis. Don’t ask your partner to openly communicate in frustrating and challenging times, if you don’t allow the communication to flow daily. Create a space of communication that is safe and free from criticism and judgment. Encourage open conversations daily. Don’t shut down or withdraw when you feel uncomfortable. Instead, take your time to communicate how you feel and share that openly.
5. Drop your ego and work as a team
When couples are stuck in the fighting and heated arguments, they often say ‘you did’ or ‘you said’ etc. It is as if they were in front of a court and trying to prove the other party guilty. When any person feels hurt, rejected, unheard, not accepted etc., their ego acts as a protective mechanism and as a result they often say things or do things that they may later regret. It is important for the couple to let go of their egos and their ‘need to be right’. Instead, focus on building the teamwork, giving each other support and finding the solution to the problem. You will never have an awesome, loving and supportive relationship if you feel the need to constantly prove yourself right and your partner wrong.
Author of this article:
Jane Nguyen empowers strong, independent & savvy women to create the best relationship of their lives. Her clients come from all walks of life, whether it’s about re-inventing themselves, wanting to attract a more conscious and loving man into their lives or wanting to save their relationship. Jane is the ‘go-to girl’ for women who want to experience a transformational change in their relationships. She is an author of the book ‘Honeymoon Forever’ and she may be contacted through her website.
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