RELATIONSHIPS: How To Draw Closer to One Another

‘How To Draw Closer To One Another’ by Merie Burton published in the upcoming Great Health Guide (Aug 2015). Anything that is valuable, precious & rare does not come easily. A satisfying relationship won’t happen by itself; it happens with time, tenderness & thoughtfulness. 

Read other Relationship articles on Great Health Guide, a hub of expert-inspired resources empowering busy women to embody health beyond image … purpose beyond measure.

RELATIONSHIPS: How To Draw Closer To One Another

written by Merie Burton

One of the key strategies that can help a relationship get some spark back is to plan intentional time with one another. This sounds like a simple strategy, but life gets busy and one of the first sacrifices that couples often make is ‘date time’. Here’s a link to some apps for suggestions and questions for ‘date night’.

Think back to your first few months together with your partner and imagine the amount of time and effort you put into the relationship. Of course circumstances will have changed over the years; however, healthy relationships thrive with one-on-one ‘intentional’ time. I use the word ‘intentional’ because, this doesn’t just happen. It is important to make an agreement with your partner to spend at least one night a week where your relationship is the focus.

You can incorporate many themes to your weekly ‘date night’ depending on what you both want. It can be as simple as lighting a few candles and playing some soft music while you share a meal together. If you want to go deeper you could ask each other questions that perhaps you don’t talk about in the daily humdrum of life; hidden aspirations, things that make you cry, people you admire, regrets and fears. This fantastic little book of questions will give you some ideas. The reason for these questions is to let your partner in and to see deeply into him/her.

You could also use your weekly meeting for something fun and light-hearted. Research claims that happy couples tend to laugh together more often, so it doesn’t always have to be deep and profound. Go bowling, take a hand-in-hand walk around the block; be adventurous and spontaneous. The idea is to connect intentionally and say, ‘Our relationship is important and we recognise that it takes time and effort so we want to do this together.’

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Some people might be thinking that it can’t be done when kids are involved, careers are demanding and responsibilities beckon, however, as I said in the beginning, this is intentional and deliberate work, and the rewards are well worth the effort. Research tells us that a happy relationship can enhance a person’s long-term physical and emotional health (Proulx et al 2007). 

So this article will get you started on an intentional path to connecting with your partner at least once a week. Use the time in any way you choose but remind yourselves that a satisfying relationship won’t happen by itself; it happens with time, tenderness and thoughtfulness.

One last note, I know that when I read articles, I often question the credibility of the author and wonder if they ‘talk-the-talk and walk-the-walk’. The above strategies are evidence-based theoretical underpinnings to a healthy relationship. However, I also utilise all the strategies that I suggest in my articles on my own marriage of 23 years. So they are tried and tested on a long-term committed relationship, in a very busy household, filled with children, careers and the normal daily routine. I am pleased to say that intentional board meetings in our home leave us anything but bored!!

In the next article, I’ll discuss the hot topic of sex in a long-lasting relationship.

Author of this article:

Merie Burton is a member of PACFA (Psychotherapy and Counselling Federation of Australia), registered psychotherapist and counsellor and works with individuals, couples and young people in her own counselling practice. Merie runs regular workshops on stress, anxiety, mindfulness and relationships at different locations throughout Brisbane and the Gold Coast. Check out her website and Facebook page or contact Merie for an appointment on 0421990324.

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