‘Dating Success Mindset – Getting Your Head Right For Better Dating’ written by Melanie Schilling published in Great Health Guide (Aug 2015). Do you find yourself sabotaging your own thoughts or talking yourself out of something assuming failure? Do you struggle in the dating world? Melanie Schilling has some great dating tips to share. Read other relationship articles on Great Health Guide, a hub of expert-inspired resources empowering busy women to embody health beyond image … purpose beyond measure.
Relationships: Dating Success Mindset – Getting Your Head Right For Better Dating written by Melanie Schilling
We all have an unhelpful inner voice that rears its ugly head from time to time, but we also have choice about how we respond to it… read on…
Danni nervously entered her favourite inner city bar and ordered a lychee martini. ‘I can do this’ she told herself as she awkwardly wriggled onto the bar stool in spite of her too-tight pencil skirt.
Attempting to create an air of mystery as she gulped the last drop of her cocktail, Danni casually peered around the bar and offered a ‘Combination Hair-Flick/Giggle’ for anyone who cared to observe. ‘Oh that guy next to me is just gorgeous, OMG, that jaw-line, those teeth … he probably won’t even notice me’ she thought. ‘I’m Rob’ he drawled, ‘Can I buy you a drink?’
Before responding Danni was overcome by her own thoughts, ‘I am so awkward and unrefined, he is a total gentleman and if I have a drink with him, it will take 10 minutes before he realises that I am a complete fraud. I shouldn’t embarrass myself any further, must make an excuse and get away now’. Danni’s stumbled reply, ‘er, I’ve been drinking lychee martinis’. Without missing a beat, he ordered them both martinis and paid with a crisp $100 bill. The sight of the bill was enough to send Danni’s heart racing ‘he’s loaded, obviously out of my league’ and she noticed that her breathing was becoming faster and shallower.
‘How embarrassing’. The man moved to a seat, so he was sitting right next to Danni, almost close enough for their knees to touch. ‘Oh God,’ she thought, ‘he’s going to notice my knee shaking and he’ll know I’m a total novice. Now that he’s so close, he’ll see that pimple I tried to conceal on my chin, it feels massive. I wonder if I have BO, did I clean my teeth tonight, can’t remember. I really do not deserve this stunning man’s attention … what if I? How can I? I have to go.’ Danni quickly got up from the bar stool, turned without saying a word and ran out of the bar.
Have you ever found yourself in a similar situation to Danni? Ever sabotaged yourself by your own thoughts? Ever talked yourself out of trying something, assuming you were doomed to failure? Our internal dialogue or self-talk is the most powerful motivator we have. If our inner voice is the voice of a ‘friend’ it can enhance feelings of positive self-esteem and propel us to act in a way that will move us toward our goals. If, however, our inner voice is the voice of a frenemy, it can lead to feelings of self-doubt and stop us from taking action toward our goals. Put simply, our thoughts influence our feelings and our feelings influence our behaviour, therefore, our thoughts create our life experience.
We all have an unhelpful inner voice that rears its ugly head from time to time, but we also have choice about how we respond to it. A disempowered approach would be to believe the negative thoughts and mindlessly follow them, as if on auto-pilot.
A more empowered approach would be to challenge the thoughts and consciously choose to act differently.
1. Reality Checking
What evidence is there to support the thoughts?
Are they based on facts, or your interpretations and perceptions?
Are you jumping to negative conclusions?
How can you investigate and find out if the thoughts are true?
2. Alternative view points
What other ways could you look at this situation?
What else could this mean?
If you were being positive, how might you perceive this situation?
3. Put it in perspective
Is it as bad as you think it is?
What is the worst possible thing that could happen? How likely is this?
What is the best possible thing that could happen?
Will this matter in 5 years’ time?