‘Dating Success Mindset’ written by Melanie Schilling published in Great Health Guide (July 2017). Have you ever backed out of something that was bothering you? Is your self-esteem being sabotaged by your inner thoughts? Thoughts play a vital role in either supporting actions or discouraging them. Find out how to empower yourself and overcome negative thoughts or feelings in this great article by psychologist Melanie Schilling.
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RELATIONSHIPS: Dating Success Mindset
written by Melanie Schilling
Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you sabotaged yourself by your own thoughts? Ever talked yourself out of trying something, assuming you were doomed to failure? Our internal dialogue or self-talk is the most powerful motivator we have. If our inner voice is the voice of a ‘friend’ it can enhance feelings of positive self-esteem and propel us to act in a way that will move us towards our goals. If, however, our inner voice is the voice of a ‘frenemy’, (a frenemy is a blend of a friend and an enemy), it can lead to feelings of selfdoubt and stop us from taking action towards our goals. Put simply, our thoughts influence our feelings and our feelings influence our behaviour, therefore, our thoughts create our life experience.
We all have an unhelpful inner voice that rears its ugly head from time to time, but we also have a choice about how we respond
to it. A disempowered approach would be to believe the negative thoughts and mindlessly follow them, as if on autopilot.
A more empowered approach would be to challenge the thoughts and consciously choose to act differently.
1. Reality checking
What evidence is there to support the thoughts?
Are they based on facts or your interpretations and perceptions?
Are you jumping to negative conclusions?
How can you investigate and find out if the thoughts are true?
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2. Alternative viewpoints
What other ways could you look at this situation?
What else could this mean?
If you were being positive, how might you perceive this situation?
3. Put it in perspective
Is it as bad as you think?
What is the worst possible thing that could happen? How likely is this?
What is the best possible thing that could happen?
Will this matter in five years’ time?
4. Come back to your goals
Are these thoughts helping you feel better in the moment (Band-Aid) or helping you move towards your goals?
What can you do to solve the problem and move towards getting what you want?
What can you learn from this situation to help you next time?