RELATIONSHIPS: Become The Perfect Date

‘Become the Perfect Date’ written by Melanie Schilling published in Great Health Guide (June 2017). Dating can be really hard when we do not understand why rejections occur or when dating doesn’t lead to a good relationship. Perhaps we don’t fully understand how to find the perfect date? We need to start by loving and appreciating ourselves first. In this must-read article, dating coach and psychologist Melanie explains the foundations of a great relationship and how to become the best version of yourself. 

Read other Relationship articles on Great Health Guide, a hub of expert-inspired resources empowering busy women to embody health beyond image … purpose beyond measure.

RELATIONSHIPS: Become The Perfect Date

written by Melanie Schilling

Dating is hard. Sometimes it’s really hard. It can play to your deepest fears and insecurities. Sometimes the couch and a bottle of wine seem so much more appealing than putting yourself out there for scrutiny.

Putting yourself out there and announcing to the world that you are looking for love can make you very vulnerable. Whilst this vulnerability is a necessary part of the process (it increases your attractiveness to potential dates), it does not have to be overwhelming.

By learning to love and appreciate yourself first – before looking for love and appreciation from someone else, you will be in a stronger position to start a great relationship. When you live your best life, you are more attractive to others. So, by investing in yourself, you benefit from a secondary pay-off: becoming magnetic to potential dates.

The foundation of any great relationship is self-love, also known as self-respect, self-confidence and self-esteem. So where do you start? How to become the best version of YOU.

There are four very basic things you can do to present yourself in the most positive fashion. Work on these BEFORE you work on your new hairdo or invest in a new dress. When your inner self is stronger and more confident the outside will shine even more.

1. BE GRATEFUL:

Start by taking stock of all the positive things in your life and practicing gratitude. Research shows that practicing daily gratitude improves physical, psychological and social well-being. This is exactly what is needed for dating success!

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So, rather than focusing on your flabby arms or your cellulite, think about the things you really like about yourself and your life.

• Body

• Personality

• Talents

• Achievements

• Family

• Friendships
  

Make a list of your top three things and write them on your mirror in lipstick, program them into your phone or list them in your journal. A daily reminder of what you like about yourself and your life enhances your sense of well-being and optimism and increases your capacity to be open to possibilities. After all, if you don’t like yourself, how can someone else?

2. GET PASSIONATE:

People who are driven by passion tend to live more fulfilled and vital lives. Think about someone you know who is totally absorbed in a hobby, political party, sport, band or artistic pursuit. What words would you use to describe them? Chances are, you see that person as enthusiastic, motivated and interesting, even if a little obsessive.

Now think of the things that get YOU out of bed in the morning. What are you so absorbed in, that make you forget that time exists? Is there something in your life that you are secretly passionate about or wish you had the courage to pursue?

By identifying one thing that you are passionate about and actively engaging in it every week, you enhance your level of overall life satisfaction. And yes, you guessed it, people with high levels of life satisfaction are more attractive to potential dates.

3. BE SELECTIVE:

As human beings, we are driven to create bonds with others. We have a primal need to connect and belong. But sometimes this drive leads us to start relationships that don’t serve us. Or it causes us to stay in relationships long after their expiration date. Good relationships can enhance our lives. They enrich every experience we have. But bad relationships can pull us down.

As single people in the dating world, we need to surround ourselves with supportive, non-judgmental, motivating people. That is, people who provide us with honest feedback, laugh along with us and pick up the pieces when things go wrong.

Consider the many relationships in your life: family, friends, colleagues, associates. No doubt, you have relationships with people who enhance your life (those who give you energy) and people who detract from your life (those who suck out your energy!). Maybe it’s time to conduct a relationship audit and clear out the energy zappers. You will feel a great weight lifted both socially and psychologically if you do.

4. PRACTICE SELF-FLIRTATION:

Finally, take yourself on regular dates. Court yourself. Woo yourself. What solo activity can you indulge in every month that would make you feel special? Is there something you reserve for ‘special occasions’ or something you only ever do with other people? Take yourself to the movies every week. Buy yourself that extra-large popcorn. Treat yourself to a glass of wine at that new place in town – not on the couch in front of the TV.

Over the coming weeks, I’ll be sharing three more steps that can take you from single to ‘coupled-up’, so stay tuned.