“Getting In Your Own Way: Part 2” written by Kelly Fryer and to be published in the upcoming issue of Great Health Guide (June 2016). Part one of this article discusses the “Comparison Syndrome” and the second part discusses about “Judgement Day” & fear. Read other mindset articles on our website. Great Health Guide is a hub of expert-inspired resources empowering busy women to embody health beyond image … purpose beyond measure.
Mindset: Getting In Your Own Way Part 2 written by Kelly Fryer
In the previous issue of Great Health GuideTM, I discussed the Comparison Syndrome and Say ‘No’- with politeness. In this article I want to share two more common situations that often confront us: Judgement Day and The Fear Factor.
Getting in our own way, filling our heads with ‘ifs and buts’ and waiting for tomorrow can hold us back. We blame other parts of our lives and as long as we can keep shifting the blame elsewhere, we always have a reason to stay right where we are, letting our own thoughts and actions get right in the way of where we want to be, in the safe protection of ‘ifs and but’s.
1. Judgement day – Dissociate your thoughts
I want to tell you a quick story…
Once upon a time a there was a woman who judged the way people looked, how they spoke and how they interacted with others. She went to a coffee shop, sat quietly for an hour and during this time watched people as they walked past, as they entered the coffee shop and as they interacted with others.
She noticed her thoughts and let them go – Dissociated. When she reflected on her thoughts that evening, she noticed that what she had been judging others on, were the negative thought patterns she had about herself, her weight, how she looked and how she spoke. When she learned to accept herself for who she was, she became more accepting of those around her and less judgmental.
It’s a true story, about me.
My mum who had always, until recently, been uncomfortable with her weight and how others perceived her and this was passed on to me, with me believing that I couldn’t wear certain things because of how I would be judged by others.
Take away points:
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Be comfortable with who you are
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When you judge people, ask yourself what it is within you that you need to work on
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Reflection is a powerful tool
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2. The ‘F’ Word – How to overcome fear
Fear and excitement trigger the same physical reaction in our bodies and the only way to differentiate between the two is how we see them in our brains.
A couple of months after starting my first business I was on my way to deliver a talk to women in a business forum arranged by a large bank. Whilst I had spoken many times before, it was on behalf of my company. The large corporation that paid me a wage in return for hard work and I had always had their brand behind me. This time, it was just me. Me, my business and my brand. No large company, no large brand, just me.
I had not long left my house and was driving in my car when I started getting butterflies in my stomach, my heart was racing, my breathing becoming more intense, and I felt the fear kicking in. I began to feel terrified, realising these physical feelings were fear and I considered turning the car round. Then my intellectual mind took over, told me I was not going home and that I would be fine by the time I got on stage.
But, what if I wasn’t? What if I fell to pieces? I must go home, I can’t do it.
It was then, like a bolt out of nowhere, that I remembered fear and excitement had the same physical reaction, allegedly!
I started telling myself I was excited. I told myself this was an exciting opportunity for me to prove I didn’t need a big brand behind me. I could do this, I would do this and it was really exciting to be asked to do a talk this early on in setting up my business. I arrived at the event, prepared, excited and ready to go; calmed my breathing, stood up, delivered my talk and received the most amazing feedback. I had done it, I had actually done it. I felt proud, if not a little exhausted, but I had done it.
Top tips:
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Tell fear it is excitement – and believe it
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Aim high, think big – the worst you can do is fail
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How you choose to feel is your decision – make the right choice
