This article is written by Kelly Fryer and is taken from the current issue of Great Health Guide (May 2016 – issue 11).
Mindset: Getting In Your Own Way written by Kelly Fryer
At times, it feels like the world is against us, ‘busy’ is all we seem to be, yet little progress is made. We put things off until tomorrow, we find ourselves feeling less than those around us, we doubt ourselves, our abilities and our thoughts. And we get in our own way whether we realise it or not.
In this two-part series, I will discuss reactions to four common situations that often confront us. I will share some of my techniques which, when considered and implemented can move you out of your own way, towards a happier and more rewarding time.
Getting in our own way, filling our heads with ‘ifs and buts’ and waiting for tomorrow can hold us back. We blame other parts of our lives and as long as we can keep shifting the blame elsewhere, we always have a reason to stay right where we are, letting our own thoughts and actions get in the way of where we want to be, in the safe protection of ‘ifs and buts’.
1. Comparison Syndrome – Superwoman wasn’t a working Mum
Social media is filled with slim, pretty, glamourous people from all walks of life. People share their successes, pictures of their pristine children, new cars, beautifully decorated homes and images of nights out in fab locations with lots of happy smiling friends.
If like me, you work 100 hours a week, have four kids, a partner and a home to look after, all I want to do with any spare time, is to sit in my comfy clothes, watch brain numbing TV and have take-out. The chances of me posting pictures on social media is zero. Partly because it takes effort to lift my phone, because posting a picture of me is likely to scare the web, but actually, it’s taking away from ‘my time’ and whilst on occasion I may post ‘comfy night in front of the TV with my boys’ which get lots of likes and comments, I rarely do it.
Taking time out to recharge is ‘my time’. Social media is something I do as part of my business, I don’t want to or need to share my life. I love reading, I love learning, I love being a Mum, I love running two businesses.
Comparison Syndrome is about how we look at others and their happy, sociable, perfect lives and then compare ourselves to these images and comments putting ourselves down and thinking we are not good enough.
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I don’t need to take endless selfies to show the world how good (or bad) I look; I don’t have to stand in the playground telling everyone how wonderful my children are; I don’t need to market my business by saying how many figures I make each month; I don’t need to post pictures of my food trying to convince myself and everyone around me I am a healthy eater. I am an ordinary, hard-working, 35-year-old Mum, who loves watching films, walking the dog and getting my house in order.
Superwoman wasn’t a working Mum, her outfits make that clear from the offset, you cannot play football, tie shoelaces and shop in that outfit.
Try these tips:
Love being ‘ordinary’
Love the life you have
And don’t compare yourself to others
2. Say ‘No’- with politeness
I know, I know, you want to say ‘no’, you really do, but a mum from school has asked you to help with a social event, your boss wants the report in on the same day, the kids need new shoes, your husband has this ‘big project’ on at work where he really needs some space at this minute, your Mum wants to come for dinner, your friends want to pop round for drinks as they haven’t seen you in ages and you promised yourself a trip to the hair salon as your roots look awful.
What do you say ‘no’ to? If you said ‘no’ to any of the above, you think of how much people will judge you or how guilty you will feel about letting them down.
So, you say ’yes’, you run yourself ragged and the only thing you don’t have time for is your roots, because clearly you are not a priority. You do everything you said you would and more, because more people asked for help and now you are too busy, too frazzled and too worried about being judged to say ‘no’ or ask for help.
Try these tips:
Be clear of your own priorities before you say ‘yes’
Remember ‘no’ is a complete sentence
Keep it simple – You don’t owe anyone any explanations
Don’t answer right away – Take some time to consider your options
Provide an alternative – Only if you want to
In the next issue of Great Health GuideTM, I will discuss two more common situations that often confront us.
Author of this article:
Kelly Fryer lives in Peterborough, UK with her partner and sons and runs two successful businesses Chrysalis Consulting and kelly-fryer.com Her passion and purpose is developing people to unlock their potential allowing them to move forwards successfully in all areas of their lives. Kelly is a clinical Hypnotherapist, Psychotherapist and Coach with a BSc in Psychology in addition to a number of other qualifications and is currently studying a PhD in Change and the Courage of Leaders.
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