The vast majority (over 80%) of Australians, Americans and most other nationalities, get married at least once in their lives. We seem to be in love with marriage. Correction: We seem to love getting married, but half of our marriages are not divorce-proofed. Considering that no one enters marriage with a plan to divorce this article provides some practical ideas to build a strong, loving and healthy relationship – essentially how to divorce-proof your marriage.
Is there a way to beat the odds? Is it possible to almost guarantee a marriage that is divorce-proof? I have over 45 years of professional experience working with couples and I can answer that question with an enthusiastic, YES! YES, it is possible to create a marriage that is solid, loving, healthy and never ends in divorce. OK, 99% divorce proof. No plan is perfect.
Here is how to create a divorce proof marriage:
1. Create a plan to stay married.
It is important for you and your partner to have a serious talk about how important marriage is to both of you. Actually, answer the question: What is our plan to avoid divorce and stay happily married? If you do not have a clear and meaningful plan, then your chances of divorce are significant. Make a plan. I have listed suggestions below.
2. Assess the cost of the marriage ceremony.
Most couples spend quite a lot of money on getting married. Just the engagement ring (yes, it is included in the cost!) is expensive. The average American invests about $6000.00 on a ring. Add in the full cost of the ceremony, including the dress, food, flowers, etc. and take a hard look at the real expense. In the USA the average cost is almost $27,000.00, plus the ring! That adds up to $33,000.00. What is the real cost of your ceremony?
3. Make a real investment in your future together.
Think about this. You are going to spend all this money, just to get started. If you invested this much in starting a business would you have a business plan? Would you expect to get some education on how to make this business successful? Yes, you would, unless you were willing to quickly lose your investment. So, what is your happy marriage worth? I suggest you add up your marriage costs (see above) and then take just 10% of that and invest in a successful marriage education. That amount would be about $3000 for the average couple. It will be the best insurance policy you and your partner ever made.
Want your own FREE COPY of Great Health Guide
& delivered to your inbox each month?
Look to your right…
Caution: Do not assume that love is enough to make a marriage work. It is a great start, but you also need to know what makes a relationship survive and thrive. Most couples, at least 50%, have no idea and they end up in court.
So what should you include in your plan to divorce-proof your marriage to ensure a strong and healthy marriage? I have listed the basics below. Everything on this list will help. Remember, it is a lot easier to learn the right skills in the beginning of your marriage than to wait until the pain gets intense.
Three Basics for a Successful Marriage Education:
1. Read books and watch videos.
Book stores and the internet are filled with excellent marriage education materials. You can begin with a simple Google search for ‘marriage education’. Great resources will show up immediately. Remember to check out my book, The Resurrection of Romance: How to create a world class romantic relationship that lasts a lifetime. It is filled with practical suggestion.
2. Attend seminars and workshops.
You can Google these also and everything in your area will appear. One weekend can make a tremendous difference. A week is even better. You will learn useful skills and you will also meet other couples who are working on their relationship.
3. See a professional.
Most couples wait too long before they see a professional couples’ therapist or coach. Prevention is what works best.
Finally, decide with your partner that your relationship deserves regular care. Get a great education and your investment will pay off for a lifetime of love together.
Author of this article:
Dr Matthew Anderson has a Doctor of Ministry specialising in counselling. He has extensive training and experience in Gestalt and Jungian Psychology and has helped many people successfully navigate relationship issues. Dr Anderson has a best-selling book, ‘The Resurrection of Romance’ and he may be contacted via his website.
