This article was taken from Issue 1 of our magazine. For more articles like this, please subscribe to the Great Health Guide magazine – (subscription FREE for limited time only)

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Date yourself first – How to become the Perfect Date written by Melanie Schilling

Dating is hard. Sometimes, it’s really hard. It can play to your deepest fears and insecurities. Sometimes the couch and a bottle of wine seem so much more appealing than putting yourself out there for scrutiny. It can often feel like a waste of make-up and hair product to get all dressed up and go out, only to get rejected. It seems so much easier to just stay home, where your ego is safe. How many evenings have you spent on your comfy couch, watching TV and eating Magnums, pondering: ‘What if I never meet him? . . .Will I be on this couch forever?’

These types of feelings reveal why it’s so important to prepare yourself for the challenges of the dating world. Putting yourself out there and announcing to the world that you are looking for love can make you very vulnerable. Whilst this vulnerability is a necessary part of the process (actually, it increases your attractiveness to potential dates), it does not have to be overwhelming. By spending some time investing in yourself before embarking on your next dating adventure, you’ll reap the following rewards: 

• You’ll feel more confident meeting new people and initiating conversations. 

• You’ll develop clarity about your strengths and feel more comfortable ‘selling’ yourself. 

• You’ll create a complete and fulfilling life that will be complemented by a great partner. 

• You’ll make conscious choices about the people you surround yourself with. 

• You’ll build resilience and coping strategies to deal with rejection.

By learning to love and appreciate yourself first – before looking for love and appreciation from someone else, you will be in a stronger position to enter into a great relationship. When you live your best life, you are at your most attractive to others. So, by investing in yourself, you benefit from a secondary pay-off: becoming magnetic to potential dates. The foundation of any great relationship is self-love, also known as self-respect, self-confidence and self-esteem. So where do you start? 

How to become the best version of YOU 

There are four very basic things you can do to present yourself in the most positive fashion. Work on these before you work on your new hairdo or invest in a new dress. When your inner self is stronger and more confident, the outside will shine even more. 

1. Be grateful 

Start by taking stock of all the positive things in your life and practising gratitude. Research shows that daily gratitude practice improves your physical, psychological and social well-being. This is exactly what you need for dating success! 

So, rather than focusing on your flabby arms or your cellulite, think about the things you really like about yourself and your life. For example, think about what you appreciate about your:

• Body 

• Personality 

• Talents 

• Achievements 

• Family 

• Friendships 

• Community 

Make a list of your top three things and write them on your mirror in lipstick, program them into your phone or list them in your journal. A daily reminder of what you like about yourself and your life enhances your sense of well-being and optimism and increases your capacity to be open to possibilities. After all, if you don’t like yourself, how can someone else? 

2. Get passionate 

People who are driven by passion tend to live more fulfilled and vital lives. Think about someone you know who is totally absorbed in a hobby, political party, sport, band or artistic pursuit. What words would you use to describe him or her? Chances are, you see that person as enthusiastic, motivated and interesting (even if a little obsessive). 

Now think of the things that get YOU out of bed in the morning. What are the activities that make your heart sing? What are you so absorbed in, that make you forget that time exists? Is there something in your life that you are secretly passionate about or wish you had the courage to pursue? What class or hobby have you been thinking of starting? By identifying one thing that you are passionate about and actively engaging in it every week, you enhance your level of overall life satisfaction. And yes, you guessed it, people with high levels of life satisfaction are more attractive to potential dates. 

3. Be selective 

Not all relationships are GOOD relationships. Right? As human beings, we are driven to create bonds with others. We have a primal need to connect and belong. But sometimes this drive leads us to enter into relationships that don’t serve us. Or it causes us to stay in relationships long after their expiration date. Good relationships can enhance our lives. They enrich every experience we have. But bad relationships can pull us down. 

As single people in the dating world, we need to surround ourselves with supportive, non-judgmental, motivating people. That is, people who provide us with honest feedback, laugh along with us and pick up the pieces when things go wrong. 

Consider the many relationships in your life: family, friends, colleagues, associates. No doubt, you have relationships with people who enhance your life (those who give you energy) and people who detract from your life (those who suck out your energy!). 

Maybe it’s time to conduct a relationship audit and clear out the energy zappers. You will feel a great weight lifted both socially and psychologically if you do. 

4. Practice self-flirtation 

Finally, take yourself on regular dates. Court yourself. Woo yourself. Flirt up a storm to impress your own pants off. What solo activity can you indulge in every month that would make you feel special? Is there something you reserve for ‘special occasions’ or something you only ever do with other people? Take yourself to the movies every week. Buy yourself that extra large popcorn. Treat yourself to a glass of wine at that new place in town – not on the couch in front of the TV. 

Dating yourself is Step One to becoming ‘date-ready’ for someone else. Over the coming weeks, I’ll be sharing three more steps that can take you from single to coupled-up, so stay tuned. Meanwhile, join my free 30 Day Dating Challenge to give yourself a head start. 

Happy Dating!

Author of this article:

Melanie Schilling is a dating coach in the Australian media known for her informative, fun and energetic approach. She regularly contributes to Channel 10, Channel 9, as well as online and print publications. She is a registered psychologist and personal coach with over 15 years’ experience who has worked across the Asia Pacific and Middle Eastern Regions. Melanie has chosen to specialise as a dating and relationship coach for professional women, offering individual coaching, workshops, retreats and online coaching. In 2013 Melanie became the first Australian to become accredited by the International Dating Coaching Association (IDCA) in New York, USA. In 2014, she was appointed Dating and Relationship Expert for eHarmony Australia. www.melanieschilling.com

This article was taken from Issue 1 of our magazine. For more articles like this, please subscribe to the Great Health Guide magazine – (subscription FREE for limited time only)

or