This article is taken from our newly released Issue 6 of our magazine. Issues 1 to 5 are also available through the App store and Google Play store. Please subscribe to the Great Health Guide magazine – (subscription FREE for limited time only).
Arguments… Can They Be A Thing Of The Past? written by Martin Gladman
Arguments can destroy relationships, end friendships, break up partnerships and separate families, yet they are something which we enter into and allow in our lives. No one really enjoys arguing, so naturally we avoid them by tiptoeing around discussions and carefully choosing what we do and don’t say, to make sure we don’t disrupt the perceived harmony.
Often in relationships we think it’s easier to let things slide, ignoring and overlooking things that our partners or family do that might feel disrespectful, unloving or dishonoring. Equally so, there are times when we are not at our best and we speak up and don’t hold things back. Our partners and the other people do the same things, so this is one big argumentative mess just waiting to happen.
But do we ever actually let things slide? Or do we secretly hold onto them, letting them build and grow over time until one day, we explode or just quietly walk away, without ever expressing our thoughts and feelings? Not communicating and holding things back can supply the very fuel upon which our disagreements thrive. When we do not resolve the hurts or disturbances that we feel in our relationships, we end up carrying them around with us and they often come out in unexpected or unpleasant ways.
So what can we do about this? Often people see arguments as a way to ‘clear the air’ but what if we prevented ‘the air’ from ever being polluted in the first place, by clearing up and discussing issues as they presented themselves?
Every time we avoid speaking up about the things that might be unkind or just don’t feel are right, we allow tensions to enter into our relationships. These tensions then build up but we don’t really want that to happen. It seems that we’re scared of speaking up out of fear of the consequences, but if this is the case, we really need to ask – why?
By not communicating with our loved ones, we are essentially saying to ourselves and those around us that:
1. Our relationship is not worth the effort it might take to resolve our issues
2. We are not capable of working through what might unfold
3. Our relationship is not strong enough to handle growth and expansion
4. We are not worthy of being in loving and respectful relationships
What would happen if we learnt to lovingly respect, honour and support ourselves so that instead of ‘letting things slide’, we were able to speak to them, clearing up the small things before they built up into bigger things that later become a nightmare to deal with?
Learning to speak up and communicate can seem difficult at first, but over time, if we make the effort and learn to support and nurture ourselves through the process, then we give ourselves and our relationships the best opportunity to be fulfilled. At the same time, we are building our own confidence and trust throughout the process.
Give it a try, support yourself and see what happens – arguments can be a thing of the past, if we so choose it.
Author of this article:
Martin Gladman has a B.Soc.Wk. (Hons) and is a counsellor, teacher, life coach and complementary therapist working out of Melbourne. Victoria. Martin has had the pleasure of supporting people of all ages, backgrounds and genders to work through the many challenges which can get in the way of them living truly joyful and vital lives. Martin has a deep love and commitment to humanity, offering his services as a writer and specialist to support people to live, learn, love and be inspired by life. Contact Martin through his email email@example.com.